Red Wine
by YaoiDelacacies
Summary: Behind the sweet face lies incredible pain. Iruka holds a secret that could ruin his life. Kakashi finds him out and wants to help. But Iruka keeps pushing him away. Can Kakashi save him before it's too late? Yaoi. KakaxIru. Some SasuxNaru. One-shot


Oh man! I'm just teasing you guys huh? I am so sorry! I will update! I will, I will, I will! Don't punish me! This is just a one shot, man! No sex or anything people! I'm so sorry fellow hentais!

Rating: Pg-13

Disclaimer: They are not mine! Naruto and its characters are not mine! Why must you make me repeat it!

Summary: Scarred by his past, Iruka has always looked for comfort and attention from others in the wrong way to escape from pain. But now being an adult, he can no longer get it in that way. How will Kakashi save him before it's too late?

Warning: Yaoi! Slash! Shonen-ai! Mentions of Cutting. Go back now if you don't like it!

Beta: Iceheart-chan

Symbols:

Thoughts-:…:

Change of Scenes- . … . 

Authoress: "This fic is so sad…!" (sobs)

Naruto: "No it isn't! It's just plain stupid! Is this your idea of some stupid angst fic!"

Authoress: "Hey! Shut up, fool!"

Naruto: "Whateva! So, does it have me in it? It's not complete without Naruto."

Authoress: "You're right Naruto. A YAOI fic isn't complete without Naruto."

Naruto: "Wait, yaoi? That wasn't in my contract!"

Authoress: "You have no contract! Your ass is mine!"

**Red Wine**

When I was younger, I always felt so alone. My parents weren't around anymore and I was suddenly isolated from all the other children. Known as the kid with the greatest misfortune, no one would give me any attention. Everyone would leave me confined in my own little world…..and I hated it. The only way that I could get attention was when I played the part of the class clown or the fool. Just so someone would notice me. Then every night, locked up in darkness, I would cry myself to sleep.

When I became older, things became different and a lot trickier. No longer able to release my pain in the way I used to, I had taken to the shedding of my own blood. Self-mutilation. For those who didn't understand, it means cutting. A cruel and shameful method that caused me great relief. Whenever I did it, it felt as if all the pressure and pain would flow out with my blood. I didn't care how I would do it. Whatever tool I could get my hands on…..was good enough for me.

One day, I had bought Naruto ramen as usual, when I had time and strangely enough, he didn't eat. What was more, he was quiet. Not the Naruto I knew at all. When we did speak, he was so awkward. Finally, I decided to confront him. Dragging him to a quiet part of the village, I sat him down and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Naruto. Tell me right now. What exactly is troubling you?" I looked at him with a smile on my face and worry plainly settled in my eyes.

After a moment's silence, he moved to hug his knees to his chest and buried his face in his hands. "Iruka-sensei…", Naruto started off.

"Naruto …?" I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, so very worried.

Blue eyes shined with tears, giving off a radiant light when the moon looked upon them, "…I…I think…I... Sasuke..."

I understood. Without a full explanation, I understood. Naruto questioned his feelings for the Uchiha. The blonde was confused and was coming of age. No doubt it was hard. Hormones were changing and I had neglected him. I had gone through the same thing when I was younger and I had no one to talk to or explain to me what was going on. And here Naruto was suffering. I had not yet bothered to give him the attention he really needed. I felt terrible and let Naruto cry on my shoulder.

When Naruto had finally cried himself to sleep, I lifted him into my arms, held him tight and took him home with me. With the kitsune sleeping at my lodging that night, I couldn't proceed with any of my activities. I was afraid that he would awaken and find me nearly killing myself. It was the last thing I wanted to do to him tonight. In the morning, collected and energetic, Naruto took to ignoring last night's event and thanked me before leaving for today's training with his new _Jounin _teacher, Hatake Kakashi.

I must say that I was jealous of this new teacher. He had earned Naruto's respect faster than I had. I had only spoken to him a few times, some talks weren't even five minutes long. But I could see that he was someone to respect. It bugged me throughout all of my classes, I couldn't concentrate. Many times, the students had to wake me from my daydreams. Naruto now has a better role model. A more father-like model. Kakashi was definitely someone Naruto could use for the things he needed in life. It put me to shame and brought me so much more pain.

As I sat filing paperwork, I kept thinking about how my spot in Naruto's life had been taken. Or maybe it was just lost because I didn't earn the right to keep it. When everything was finished, I picked out the kunai from my holster and pressed the point against the bottom of my wrist. I slowly trailed it across, from left to right. Just deep enough to feel the pain. I let out a small gasp and dragged out the knife. Blood spilled from its side, I lapped up the droplets. This stuff didn't taste like iron…but like wine. I lost control and started to chisel away at the skin, just watching my blood spill. Completely lost in the pain.

I hadn't even noticed…the object of my torture walk in. My eyes met his. They were both so much alike. Both of us werein shock. He looked at me…I looked at him. Suddenly, he flew to me and snatched away the knife. Fear filled me. What was he going to do?

"What were you doing to yourself?" His voice was quiet and he grabbed my arm, examining the deep gash.

"N-Nothing. It's none of your business." That was my only excuse. I knew I should've said something different.

"It is now. How could you…why are doing this to yourself?" He put his hand to my cut, applying pressure that seemed almost suffocating.

"And how is it your business?" I refused to answer his question.

"I saw you doing this to yourself and I would feel it was my fault if you ended up doing something even more drastic." He pulled back his hand and stared at the blood that stained it.

I felt ashamed and buried my face in my hands. "I-I don't…"

. **At Kakashi's Place** . 

I was sitting at his couch, at his home while being treated. Despite the matter of the situation, the only things I could feel were anger and embarrassment. There I was, being lectured like a child; by the last person I would've liked to be lectured by. At least now I knew that Kakashi as role model for Naruto wasn't so great after all. All he did was ramble and insult me. All things considered, I practically hated the idea that this man was taking care of MY Naruto.

"What is driving you to do this? Is it someone? Something? Tell me why!"

"It's out of sheer joy!" I wasn't going to answer him. He had no right to know. And there was no way I was about to tell him. He was nothing to me.

. **From that Moment on** . 

He was a pest! Jounin or not, this man was just plain annoying. Always checking up on me every now and then. I was a grown man with no need for adult supervision. I was fine on my own. Once or twice, Kakashi had already stopped my practices and I was growing weary of it. Never had one person ever annoyed me so much. It was enough to make me end my life right then and there, before his eyes. Just to torture him.

. **The Grave of Heroes** (A/N That's what I call it! Leave me alone!) . 

One way or another, I had to get away from him. There was only one place I knew that he probably would never suspect me to be at. I stood in front of the marker, running my fingers along the carvings of names. I paused at my mother's name, fingers trembling with emotion. My mother did not need to go…she could've stayed with me. My father too. I pressed my palm against the cool stone harder, in hopes to bring them back. As I always expected, it never worked. Just as I was about to pull my hand back, a weight set upon my shoulder. My breath stilled and I turned around, only to be disappointed.

"Family? Friends?" His silver hair blew in the wind and he kneeled beside me.

It made me sick to be so close to him, "Family…," I blanched on the inside.

He looked at the stone, looking it up and down. His fingers came up and ran along my mother's name, "Lover?"

I felt a strange tingling and I could feel my face turn red, "Absolutely not! That's my mother!" My fingers traced the name next to it, "And this is my father."

"I see." A grave look plastered his face and he stood, "I also have a dear one on this stone."

Somehow, it felt a little unexpected. It might sound a bit cruel but it's hard to imagine the cold, distant Kakashi having someone dear to him, "You?"

"Yes." His fingers outlined a name on the stone that I couldn't read from this angle, "Strange. In order to get the name and respect I have now, he had to die. Isn't it strange?"

I merely nodded and went back to tracing my parents' names. :I really had no idea. How much did this person mean to him:

"I admit, I had thought about doing the same thing that you're doing to yourself. My parents weren't there, the only ones I ever cared about had died and, for once, I really thought there was nothing for me to live for." He looked at me and the deep gaze made my stomach tighten. "But…then I realized…what kind of tribute is that…to the people who did love you? Taking away the life…that they loved so much. Just because you can't endure life at this moment. Doesn't that sound a bit selfish? Besides, how can you expect to live for anything…if you aren't willing to wait for it?"

It took me a while to grasp what he was saying. Was he really saying all that on his own? Who knew…that he felt the same way I did? He understands the pain. We were so alike. Just one difference. He was stronger than I was. His eye smiled and he reached for my hand. My knee felt weak from what I doubted was from kneeling so much. "Kakashi-san…," my hand came up to my mouth. Had I really given him an honorific title?

"I waited for the day when you would look at me as a friend rather than an enemy." That smile! It was killing me! He had to stop! I was no longer able to look him in the eye. For reasons I didn't know. His arms wrapped around my shoulders and my heart skipped a beat. He pulled away, "I'm not really known to show affection, so…I'd appreciate it if you were to keep it low-key." With another smile, he patted my shoulder and left.

Such an ache in my heart that I never felt before. My body burned and I felt lightheaded. I couldn't stop the ache as I clutched at my chest. Had I finally found the one thing…person…to live for?

. **Late At Night** . 

I couldn't sleep! Every time that I closed my eyes, I would see his face! Again, the sensations of my heart would pain me and I longed to make it stop. How I longed for that gaze and the warmth of his body holding me close to him. Thoughts ran wild and I couldn't take them anymore. I ran into the bathroom, clutching my head, pulling at the strands of my hair, willing the pain I felt away. My hand clutches the razor in the cabinet and I brought it to my chest.

_Taking away the life…that they loved so much._

:Wait.:

_Doesn't that sound a bit selfish?_

:Stop. Please.: I had to see him. I tossed the razor down and threw on my vest and ran barefooted to his apartment. I had no idea of how I had gotten there. I just did. I had no idea of where his apartment was and I got there. I was really, so desperately…in love…

"Kakashi!" I banged on the door. I was probably frightening the neighbors but I didn't care. About five seconds later, he opened the door and I threw myself at him, arms wrapping around his neck and knocking him down to the floor.

"Iruka! What are you doing here this late at night!" His arms came up and settled themselves on my back.

"I needed to see you!" I hadn't even realized that tears were running down my face.

After the initial shock, Kakashi had me already settled in, a futon lying in the middle of the room. Again, I felt embarrassed. I was like some teenager again. Running away to some friend's house when things got tough. Sitting on his couch with a warm cup of coffee in my hand and a blanket around my shoulders. Life just wasn't being fair!

"Iruka..…mind telling me what's going on?" The silver haired Jounin sat next to me and I longed for his arms to envelope me again.

Ashamed of the situation, I turned away and put the cup at a table near the couch. I rested my hands on my thighs and clenched my fists, "Kakashi …did you ever find…that one thing to live for?"

"…I'm still…waiting for it…why?" His hand rested upon my wrist and I felt the familiar burning sensation.

"Do you really care what it is…? Or who…?"

"Iruka?" Kakashi looked even more bewildered.

I couldn't contain myself anymore. I pulled off his mask and he just stared at me as if trying to grasp what was going to happen. He was gorgeous…perfect in every way. How could he have not found someone already? He was just…perfect. His nose was long and sharp. I stared at those mismatched eyes and cupped his cheek, feeling the softness of that pale skin. He had such high cheekbones…beautiful. I brought his face down to mine and pressed my lips against his full ones. Mine must have felt so limp and rough against his. Ugh. They felt so soft. Suddenly, I had realized that he hasn't kissed back.

He jumped up from the couch and we gazed at each other for a mere second. I admired him from afar, but I was forced back into reality…when he left the house, slamming the door behind him. The tears started back up again. I thought he cared! I thought he was the one to wait and live for! But now…what was there? I was tired of waiting and wanted to end it now. The kitchen was small but it wasn't what I really needed. I looked on at the long blade as my savior. The only thing that really helped me in life and the only thing that could help me now. I couldn't face Kakashi again.

My wrists burned and the blood flowed freely. I sucked on my wrist to ease the burn as much I could. The world spun and the floor came nearer and nearer. I was drowning in my own tears and blood. Everything went black and I was lost in the abyss. Along with the taste of red wine in my mouth.

. **Back at the Heroes Grave** . 

I still remember that day. I'm sure the memory will linger for all of eternity. It has been fifteen years and I have yet to find my way home. So many years of wandering and it led me here. I still do not know why. I watched from a distance and waited for someone to arrive. A tuft of blonde hair blew in the distance and I smiled, recognizing Naruto. I ran to him but stopped dead in my tracks as Sasuke came up form behind him and slipped his hand into the kitsune's. :Sasuke…and Naruto.: I treaded closer and looked longingly at Naruto. He grew so much.

His eyes were sad and he took out his kunai and etched upon the marker 'Umino Iruka' while whispering,"To me, you were always a hero. You deserve to be up here." He kissed the place where he had etched the name and pressed his palm against it just as I had with my parents. I grew sad inside and longed to hug him. Droplets of rain began to fall and the Uchiha pulled his jacket off to wrap it around Naruto's shoulders. One last look at the marker and they walked off. :Was this what I had to wait for? Did I have to watch this? I've already suffered enough. Why couldn't I move on:

Just as those thoughts came into mind, silver hair glistened in the rain. Immediately, mixed emotions began to fill me. Strongest of them all…desire. Oh, how I wanted his arms around me. How I wanted his lips against mine again. I wanted his words of comfort. I just wanted all of him. The Jounin looked at the stone and turned towards the direction into which Naruto had disappeared. He kneeled and pressed his forehead against the stone. "Iruka…" Warmth filled me and radiated throughout my body. Kakashi's face was dark, I couldn't see his face but his voice was all I needed to hear to know what he was feeling. "Iruka if you had waited just a bit longer for me…I would've taken you. I apologize for running out on you that day but…didn't I tell you to not to give up? Did I mean that little to you? Iruka, I'm so sorry!"

"Kakashi! Get up! You meant so much to me! Don't blame yourself! Please! Get up! I love you!" He couldn't hear me. I felt so helpless.

He pulled his mask down and bit his thumb, making it bleed. The blood ran from his thumb and I felt like fainting, he ran it across my name. Blood trickled away as the rain washed it form the stone and his voice shuddered, "I still remember how thick I had been to run out on you like that. Why did I think on it? I knew what I was feeling. I had to run out and when I returned…it was too late. If only I had gotten there faster, I could have…Iruka…aishiteru…"

The sound of thunder rang in my ears and the droplets of rain descended harder and I knew he was crying. I don't know how long he stayed there, just kneeling in front of the stone, rubbing his bloody thumb against my name, whispering gently. I kneeled behind him, pressed my hands against his back and rested my head on his shoulder. He was so cold…I couldn't give him the warmth he had given me. Now, I had to wait even longer for him to come to me. Death could be such a cruel thing.

Authoress: "That was so stupid!"

Naruto: "Damn straight!"

Authoress: "No comments from you! D-minus ass!"

Naruto: "Hey!"

Kakashi: "Yo." (Pulls out 'Make out Paradise' and flips to where he placed his puppy dog marker and reads)

Authoress/Naruto: "You're late! About a few fanfics too late!"

Kakashi sweatdrops: "A black cat crossed my path so…wait, did I already use that one?"

Authoress: "Pfft, whatever peeps. Anyway, guys, I'm thinking about changing my penname. How's this sound?" (Clears throats and cues cheesy suspense music) "Yaoiyoukai!" (Ta da!)

(Crickets chirp)

Authoress: "Screw you."

**President Clinton: The president who did it between the bushes…**

**Reviews KEEP me happy…**


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